I admire your inner desire to explore your relationship and your feelings. I want to share something with you. Mary, as you know, marriage grows, stagnates, blossoms, its love shows up unannounced and other times, doesn’t show up where expected. It takes its own curves in the road, but we are always at the helm. Marriage in its origin was intended to be a lifelong relationship whose foundation is solely based on compassion for the other person and love. Love does not always show itself in feelings but rather in our desire to show love even when we don’t feel it. And that may be for a moment or for much longer. Commitment is not based on emotion. Our emotions are derived from the commitment itself. I do love your writing.