I Have a Problem with Overt Sex Talk and the Showing off of Vaginas

Photo by Roksolana Zasiadko on Unsplash

I am a Nurse. I am a Mother. I am Grandmother. I am a fierce Advocate of the true meaning of freedom. I am a Hippie. I am a Feminist.

And I absolutely hate the exposure of the most infamous female body part which is used most singularly to produce future nurses, mothers, grandmothers and boys of all kinds, too.

I am averse to magazines and articles that explicitly describe sexual positions that even if I’ve taken part in, ever…mom, don’t read…would never announce in casual conversation…or anywhere.

I am averse to movies, talk and television shows that show no restraint when discussing highly sensitive and personal aspects of sex.

People, the act was designed to be intimate and behind closed doors.

Ok, John Lennon and Yoko kinda ruined that, but hooray! for freedom. I still admire their bravado.

Sex was not intended to be behind closed doors because it is shameful, but rather it is to be in enjoyed in private because it is special, sacred and life affirming.

Setting the stage (without undressing on it)

I have also never aspired to nor quite grasped the value of the loud, audacious body part revealing trend that has gained so much boldness in society over the last 30 years.

Madonna was a forerunner for the idea that the female (and male) body is a beautiful thing to be displayed unapologetically…and I love Madonna; she fought hard for woman to be respected and equaled and suffered many a hateful render for it, however, the aggressive gruffness with which she presented this idea bothered me a lot.

I think that the vagina is a sacred thing. I think what one does with it is a sacred thing. I think that to display and advertise it as an everyday exploitive phenomenon is a flagrant misuse and even abuse of women.

There, I said it.

I do not like to wear or look at someone else wearing clothing like say, way-too -snug-in-the-wrong-place leggings that offer up a woman’s private parts as a dessert or in some cases, as a perfectly unsculpted and obvious mangled mess.

I do not like to see women of influence, who otherwise have much to offer society, poised in sexual positions that say their vagina is a tool and is literally open for business.

The definition of a woman does not reside in her sexuality or her body parts. It resides in her ability to understand her place in the world as a female.

Advertising the body parts that do define sexuality, especially as a clothing mission, is not sexual freedom. In fact, this invites the overt sexualizing of females and thus, re-enslaves us.

“Immodest and attractive is easy. Modest and repulsive is easy too. But modest and attractive is an art form.”
Douglas Wilson, 5 Paths to the Love of Your Life: Defining Your Dating Style

A proper feminist is not one who believes that showing off every working sexual organ or facet is her right.

A true feminist is one who advocates for the protection of our body parts, their functions and the promotion of the idea that woman’s value and ability to produce and achieve in society is the same as men’s, with or without the use of her uterus.

Am I old fashioned? Do I harbor outdated beliefs? Well, that’s just it.

I have beliefs that do not change with the times. I have deep-seated convictions about self respect, the value of male and female human beings and expectations of myself and society that trends and lax mindsets will not sway.

I was born in the sixties and raised by two people who were at heart every bit the bra burning, moccasin wearing, pot smoking (my Dad) hippies of the times.

Despite becoming missionaries, they retained their free thinking beliefs and my mother is now a nonconformist Doctoral English Professor who promotes the “question authority” idea in her students and my quiet and humble, ex-marine, preacher father just loves everyone from his armchair. Really. Not a joke.


Why do I bring this issue of sexuality and vagina-revealing to forum?

Because everyday when I walk outside to go to the store, the post office, the park…I am bombarded with the persistent, flagrant exhibition of female private parts of incredible women whose intelligence, worth and value all seem to shrink significantly in contrast to the spot they shamelessly over-advertise that is the only thing passers by look at. Gawk at.

My own adorable daughter goes many days without a bra. I am not happy about it as I do not like the way it makes her body appear. I am really not against not wearing a bra, but, for her, it’s equivalent to publicly squeezing a grown vagina into a toddler pair of shorts. She is a size 38D. She is absolutely beautiful, but I want her presenting herself and her body as elegantly as possible.

If I were to walk around with the same measurements (and they are) without a bra, I would feel so gross knowing nipples were gonna come out to play without my permission. She has no qualms with this issue.

And good for her, but I have a hard time talking to her without laughing until I pee myself when her headlights are out in full form in 110 degree weather (and how does that happen? I don’t care about the medical side, I do not want to know) or when we are in Half Price Books.

It’s funny to me, a little disturbing, too, but to some psycho-in-waiting its, well, titillating.

We are very responsible for how we present our bodies and our persons in society. That is just common sense.


Wisdom says we ought to represent ourselves respectfully and in parallel with how we want to be received.

Would we show up to a job interview with a mushed up resume, someone else’s resume, or naked, and expect to be hired? **

Would we work hard for a degree in journalism then show up to a police academy and expect to be hired as a policeman?

Perhaps these are a couple of offbeat examples, but the answer is a resounding No.

Personal responsibility includes the act of respecting our own bodies by protecting them, not parading particular parts that distract from our worth.

Vaginas by their very presence characterize the female body which is incredibly created and worthy of highest honor.

“I refuse to have my vagina photographed because I have no interest in being desired on the basis of its appearance. It has taken me decades to appreciate its power and beauty, and not merely because it birthed a child. Responsive to tenderness and the source of a luminous ecstasy, my vagina has enabled me to transcend an otherwise limited sense of self. I feel no need to
make it conform to another’s aesthetic or have it applauded by strangers.”
Antonella Gambotto-Burke

I believe we can also agree that sex is an act to respect, honor, protect and be very cautious with. I’ll say no more at this time.

To pull it all together, I’ll lend you the statement my now 93 year old grandmother, who was also a vibrant nonconformist in her day, made many times to me as I grew up:

“Less is more, Tina. Less is more.”

Not an old fashioned notion. Just a timeless one.

Nurse, writer: medical, family, addiction and wellness. See my blog flourishmedicinehealthandaddiction.com. Published Amazon author: Of Death and Brokenness…

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